


Only Here Once

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: This is a story about a time, a story about a place, a story about people.  But above all things, a story about how Tony Stark realised he was a massive idiot and may well have lost the love of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

Steve sat down on the bench next to Barton and Rhodes handing them their sandwiches. It had been a long morning training but they knew they had some solid new maneuvers and the break was a welcome one.

“So, you know we were trying to find a girl for Bucky?” he began, hoping his friends would back up what he had already done.

“Yeah, I vaguely remember going through the list of available women we know and coming up blank.” Clint took another bite of the sandwich wondering where this conversation was going. They sat in silence slowly chewing and watching people milling about the compound.

“Well, I had a brainwave and last week introduced him to y/n.” Steve blurted out breaking the quiet and deliberately not looking at Barton who turned to him with a quizzical look.

“y/n? Tony’s y/n?” Rhodes asked. Surely he must mean another y/n, but she was the only one he could think of that they all knew.

“They aren’t together.” Steve shot back defensively. “She’s a nice girl and single so…”

“So you are talking about Tony’s y/n.” Clint’s eyebrows raised, well this was going to be interesting. Possibly a car crash of a situation but interesting.

Rogers turned, his body language starting to become defensive. “He’s not interested in her, he’s said that like a million times! You know he just keeps her around to boost his ego.” His words caused both his friends to begin talking at once.

“Hey, now that’s not…” Rhodey started but Clint’s voice was louder.

“Not the point man.” Barton huffed. Steve folded his arms across his chest in indignation.

“Well, it’s done now. I introduced them and they are headed out on their third date tonight.” His friends shared a look, both of them wondering which one of them would end up being the one who had to tell Stark.

Steve really wanted at least one of them to agree with him. “I can see them making a good couple.”

“Who makes a good couple? Bucky and Sam? Yeah, I can see that.” Tony interrupted the conversation sitting himself down on the bench next to Steve. Barton and Rhodes exchanged looks, knowing this wasn’t gonna be pretty.

“We were just talking about Bucky’s new girl.” Steve looked intently at his sandwich before taking another bite.

Tony’s face broke into a huge grin “Oh wow, Buck’s finally found himself a girl. That’s great news. Means I can have some fun flirting with her and watching him fume.”

“Yeah.” Clint managed hesitantly avoiding all eye contact. “We’re really happy for them.”

“So, what’s she like? Someone we know?” Stark asked expectantly looking at each of his friends. There was a silence as his friends all shared meaningful looks. Rhodey rolled his eyes and took the bullet.

“Yeah actually. y/n.” He said quietly

“Yeah right, seriously who is she?” laughed Tony.

“Seriously man.” Rhodes placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and looked sadly into his eyes. “Bucky is seeing y/n. Apparently, it's going really well.”

“y/n? As in my… yay length hair with the bright eyes, winning smile? That y/n?” He searched Rhodeys eyes for even a hint that this was a joke. Surely he couldn’t mean it.

Steve stepped in gruffly. “Look man, you’ve had years to make a move and you always insist you are just friends even though we all know she has been in love with you since forever.”

The sarcastic smile that usually graced his face was all but gone as Steve’s words sunk in. Looking down at his lunch he suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore. “I hope they are really happy. She’s… If he doesn’t treat her right he will have me to answer to.”

 

A few weeks had passed and Tony was sitting alone nursing a cup of coffee and rehearsing the conversation in his head for the millionth time. This was it. This was the day he was gonna tell you that he’d been an idiot, that Bucky was an okay guy but…

“Hey wonder-boy, what’s up?” you shrugged off your coat and turned your full attention to your companion your eyebrows raised as you took in his appearance fully. “Wow, you look like shit.”

“Awww, you always say the sweetest things.” He smiled.

“Sorry, but…are you okay?” The concern in your voice and worry in your eyes made him feel a mixture of guilt and hope. Maybe he hadn’t lost you yet, maybe if he told you that he misses you, that he can’t sleep, is hardly eating, that he feels…well…he doesn’t know how he feels. That’s the problem.

“I just, you know what I didn’t get much sleep last night is all.” He runs a hand over his face and smiles at you.

“I see.” You lean forwards excitedly “So who is she then?”

“What? Who?” the confusion played across his face.

Tilting your head you smile. It’s something you have done so many times when talking to him and until this moment right now he never noticed how this look makes him feel, how it’s always made him feel. It’s like, when you look at him like that, a twinkle in your eye and a lazy lopsided smile, it’s as if nothing else matters, there is nobody else in the room, just him and you. He was brought out of his train of thought by your words. “She must be someone special to keep you up all night.”

“NO!” Tony nearly shouts, suddenly reaching out and knocking over his cup, the brown liquid pooling now on the table. “Shit…I’m…fuck.” Both reaching for the napkins, your hands brushing for a fraction of a second. His head shot up to look at you to find you appeared to be oblivious to this contact. You began to mop up the spillage before looking up at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Okay, no more caffeine for you buddy, I’m cutting you off. Now was that a ‘no’ as in she’s not special, in which case shame on you Tony Stark, or was it a 'no’ as in you haven’t been up all night having the most amazing mind blowing sex imaginable?” The twinkle in your eye and the smirk of amusement combined with your words had images of you in delightfully compromising positions flitting across his mind. Realising a silence had descended as you awaited his answer he coughed, clearing his throat, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray the thoughts he had just been indulging.

“There’s no woman.” He wanted to say so much more, wanted to tell her that he was swiftly coming to the conclusion that she may very well be the only woman he wanted to be with. That nobody else puts up with him like her, that if he couldn’t make it with her then he really didn’t think he could make it with anyone. The unspoken words just hung in the air.

“Well, maybe you should look into getting one. I worry about you Tony, you need someone to look after you.” The concern was there again, hidden behind your easy smile that he always thought was so contagious.

“I thought that was your job.” he quipped, half serious. You opened your mouth to answer but was distracted by your phone indicating a new text. Reaching into your pocket you glanced at the phone and your face softened. His stomach lurched, you had once told him that a text from him had been the reason you had walked into a lamp post and here you were looking at someone else’s messages so fondly he thought he might throw up. Your eyes flickered up to meet his and for a brief moment, he wanted to just scream at you. Scream that he needed you, that you were his, that knowing someone else was responsible for that smile was killing him, but he didn’t.

“That was Bucky, he’s finished training early so…you go get some sleep and we will have a proper catch up soon okay? Just me and you.” Standing up you moved round the table and leaned down placing a soft, tender kiss on his cheek. Again something you had done time and time again but this time he felt like it was a kiss goodbye. He’d missed his chance and he sat there kicking himself as he watched you walk away from him.

Hearing the soft knock he bounced over to the door knowing full well who would be standing on the other side. Fighting back the butterflies in his stomach Tony swung the door wide, a bright grin splitting his face as you slipped past him into the apartment. He hadn’t seen you for a few weeks due to a mixture of a full work schedule and your suddenly very active dating life. Watching you throw yourself down on the sofa he was hit by the sheer familiarity of you, of the pair of you together. The fact that you had brought pizza was just the icing on the cake.

A few hours later and you were curled up on the sofa deep in conversation ignoring the film playing on the tv. His arm hung lazily along the back of the sofa, almost as if he had it around you…almost. You were so close he could smell your shampoo, a soft, inviting vanilla scent and the temptation to run his fingers through your hair was becoming hard to fight. Talk had once more circled round to his love life, or lack thereof. It was a topic visited frequently but this time something felt different, this time the self-deprecating comments about how unlovable he was held a touch of truth.

“I don’t know, maybe I just have incredibly high standards.” He stuffed another slice of pizza into his mouth, his cheeks puffing out like a hamster as he crammed as much food in as he could manage.

“Oh that it crap! You are just far too fickle.” You shook your head at your friend, giggling at his look of indignation. He chewed ferociously, desperate to challenge your assessment of him.

“Fickle? You think I’m too fickle?”

“That’s one of many words I might use to describe you.” The deadpan look you gave him made his heart sing. This mocking was something reserved for him. At least he had never seen you joke like this with anyone else.

“One of many?” He raised his eyebrows in a look of mock shock but the amusement in his eyes couldn’t be hidden. He had missed this, the banter, the affectionate, playful insults.

“Irritating, annoying, stubborn, tenacious…” The way your nose scrunched up as you listed off his less than desirable traits was adorable. God, how he wanted to kiss you right now.

“Okay, okay.” He laughed, his head thrown back as he sniggered at your words. The giggling eventually died down and you looked at him and smiled knowingly.

“Oh come on, you know you’ll find some girl to hang on your every word. You’re a good guy when you’re not being a dick.” The way you playfully punched his arm makes him smile. Ever since he met you, you had always called him on his bullshit in a way that was somehow supportive and affectionate.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just destined to be alone. Maybe I missed my chances and now there’s nobody who can put up with me.” He sighed, his beautiful brown eyes meeting yours.

“Now I know you’re just fishing for compliments.” Your eyes crinkled as you laughed and your whole face lit up with a smile. You were now so close he could easily just reach over, move that errant strand of hair out of your face, lean in and… “You’ll find someone when you least expect it. I mean look at me and Bucky. I would never have even considered the possibility of being with him if it hadn’t been for Steve.” Fucking Steve, the interfering ass. He zoned out, your words just washing over him as you waxed lyrical about your amazing, attentive boyfriend. Watching your animated facial expressions he wondered if that’s how you looked when you used to talk about him? You were his friend and you were happy, that should be a good thing, but he couldn’t stop this feeling that the bottom of his world had just fallen out leaving him in a terrible free fall. The weight of you leaning your head on his shoulder as you returned to watching the film sent an electric tingle through his body and broke his heart at the same time. He realized that this time alone with you, any time alone with you, was all he wanted but it could come to an end at any moment, all it would take was a text from the ex-assassin and his little piece of paradise would be shattered.


	2. Only Here Once - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a story about a time, a story about a place, a story about people. But above all things, a story about how Tony Stark realised he was a massive idiot and may well have lost the love of his life.

The bistro was fairly empty for brunch on a Saturday but neither man seemed to notice. Rhodey shoveled the delicious pastries into his mouth and looks across at his friend and sighed.

“You gotta pull yaself together man.” They hadn’t seen each other in a week and here Tony was, unshaven more than usual, sallow skin with dark circles around his eyes a testament to the absence of sleep. The food in front of him untouched, just shuffled around the plate.

“I totally fucked up. I just…I can’t see a way back. I mean how…how…I don’t know.” His whole body deflated in a sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck. Rhodes placed his food down carefully and smiled at Stark.

“You think she’s gonna wanna be with you over him when you look like this?” His grin hinted that he was only partly joking. “I mean, seriously. If you want to be with her then fight for her.”

“And then what?” The clatter of Tony angrily dropping his fork on his plate resounded around the bistro and a few disapproving eyes glanced at the pair.

“Whaddya mean then what? Then you are happy together.” Rhodes shrugged as if it was that obvious.

“She’s happy right now Rhodey.” The despairing tone in his voice seemed completely alien to the usual sarcastic sound of Tony and Rhodes brow furrows, unsure exactly how to respond for a moment.

“So…”

“I can’t do it to her man.” He looks up and their eyes meet, the utter heartbreak evident in the deep chocolate colored eyes makes Rhodes heartache for his friend. For so many years all it would have taken was a single word from him and you would have fallen over yourself to be his, they all knew it, but now. Stark was right, you were happy. Honest to god, sickeningly euphoric happy, and it was killing Tony that it had nothing to do with him.

“You gotta do something, you can’t carry on like this can ya?” the pity evident in Rhodes voice brought tears to Tony's eyes. He must be truly pathetic, it’s no wonder she doesn’t want him. They sit in a companionable silence for a while as they both consider his next move. In all of the years they had known each other Rhodey had never seen his friend this cut up about a girl.

“I’m just gonna work through it. I’ve got, like, a whole bunch of meetings. Might set up a few on the East Coast and fly out for a while, I don’t know. It’s not like I’m not busy. Really, I’m far too busy to even think about any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone and he…” Tony took a deep breath, steadying his nerve for what he is about to say. “Bucky gives her everything I know I can’t.” Rhodey huffs at his friends' last statement, but Tony is insistent. “Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong.”

Rhodes knew there was no point arguing with his friend but he had to ask the question, the one question he had been wondering if Stark had already asked himself. “Do you love her?” The question elicited another deep sigh followed by avoidance of eye contact and Tony opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but needed to edit his words. “Do you love her?” Rhodey asked a little more insistently. The answer to this question would decide which way he would push his friend. Hell, he already knew the answer, it was pretty obvious, but if Tony couldn’t admit it then he should leave the poor girl alone.

“Rhodey…I…” their eyes locked and the unshed tears glistening in his friends' eyes told him all he needed to know. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Every time I think of them together my chest hurts and…it’s hard to breathe. She’s my girl Rhodey, she’s always been my girl and I just… I was just too stupid to know it. She’s the first person I wanna talk to when I wake up or when something funny happens or I need to talk something through or, or, or I see a pigeon and remember that time…” a smile flickers across his face and for a second it’s like he’s back. A brief laugh escapes his lips, but all too soon that haunted look returns. “She’s amazing, and right now, she is happier than I have ever seen her. I need to let her go.” His words no more than a whisper at the realization that he really does need to walk away and Rhodes pulls him into a hug as he feels his whole world fall apart.

 

The knock on the door startled him. He wasn’t expecting company and he padded barefoot to the see who it was. His eyebrows raised when he saw you standing there, tear tracks down your cheeks and your eyes so full of sadness that his first instinct was to pull you into a hug. Standing in his doorway in just sweatpants feeling your warm breath on his chest as he rested his chin on the top of your head it took everything he had not to just tell you how much he wanted you, how much he missed you, that he was…His thoughts were interrupted as he felt the damp tears against his skin and he pulled you into the apartment.

‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong? What can I do?’ He whispered into your hair as you clung onto him tighter and sobbed. You stood there in that embrace for what felt like forever. He felt the tears subside and your breathing slow as he rubbed small circles over your back. When you felt calm enough, when you felt you had control over your voice you took a step back and looked up into his warm chocolate eyes and took a deep breath.

'He…he said…he said I had to choose.’ There was a look of despair on your face as his twisted into confusion.

'Choose?’ What ultimatum could Bucky have set to upset her so much? He felt a tight ball of anger in the pit of his stomach rising. Wait til he got his hands on the long-haired jackass, how dare he make you cry. The anger swiftly disappeared with your next words, replaced with a heartbreaking realization.

'Bucky said…either I end our friendship or…’ Your eyes dropped to the floor, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him as you replayed the conversation with Buck in your mind.

 

'You wanna run that past me again?’ Your eyebrows raised, you weren’t entirely sure you had heard him right.

'I said, it’s him or me.’ The silence was deafening as you stood staring at each other. His stormy grey eyes a mixture of so many emotions. Crossing the room to stand in front of him you lightly tracing your fingers up and down his arms, trying to placate him.

'Where’s this come from honey?’ You placed your hands on his shoulders and were genuinely surprised when he shrugged them off.

'I can’t and won’t be second place to Tony fucking Stark. Seriously, what has he got over you?’ His voice dripped with disdain and you flinched.

'I…I don’t… I’m with you, completely with you, nobody else.’ You looked at him intently, tilting your head, trying to figure out what was happening here. Sure, he and Tony had a very strained relationship but you’d hardly seen your friend since you’d met him, something that made you feel a little guilty. Not usually the sort of girl to drop your friends for a guy you had been spending every free moment with Bucky, hardly even thinking about Tony. Okay so maybe you had been thinking about Tony, just a little, maybe once in a while. It’s not like you thought about him every day, and even if you did so what? They were friends, had been friends for years.

'Then prove it. Never see him again.’ His eyes locked with yours. Decision time.

 

'Right.’ Stark took one look at your downcast eyes and felt his chest tighten, fighting to keep his breathing under control as he felt a panic rising. 'So, I guess this is goodbye then.’

'Tony, I…’ you pleaded

'No, don’t. I get it okay, it’s alright. You two are so perfect together. I’ve never seen you happier.’ He turned his back to you, couldn’t risk her seeing what he was really feeling. You were a good person and shouldn’t have to feel guilty about being happy. 'Thank you, for coming to say goodbye in person, not just some random text or…or just…just disappearing. You’ve got something special with Bucky, I…I’m not about to stand in your way.’ He pauses in the doorway of his bedroom for a moment, unable to turn round knowing this was it, this was the final moment. Gripping the doorframe for support he sighed, 'Goodbye y/n.’ and as he heard the front door close behind you he whispered three simple words that were simply killing him. 'I love you.’


End file.
